Why You Need to Learn To Tell Your Kids “NO”
They’ll grow up and live in a land of “make believe”
Let’s imagine a magical world together. A place where you can do no wrong. Where everything is yours for the taking. Well, it wouldn’t be a place, but more of a span of time…
This time would begin at your earliest childhood and stretch all the way through your young adult life. We’re going to imagine what it would be like if you never were told “NO”.
We begin as a toddler…
You were curious about things that were at up at unsafe heights. Instead of being told that climbing was bad or dangerous, you were told that it’s ok to play and explore. Then one day you fell. This made you hurt so you cried and cried until you were picked up and coddled.
You were given comfort, because you were sad.
You would continue to be allowed to go to all these less than safe places because there is no “NO” in your world. So instead of being told to refrain and to control your urges to just do things, you were continually falling and crying and being held.
You were given even more comfort, because you were sad.
Then you grew into a child…
Now you could walk and run. Over time you could climb even higher places or go further away from the watchful eyes of your parents. Then eventually, you would run into something that could hurt you more that what you were used to.
It could be a mean animal, a rusty fence, or even some broken glass. Inevitably, due to that lack of boundaries, you encroach upon the danger and become injured.
Then you start crying loudly. Mommy or daddy comes running.
You are given the comfort you need, because you were crying.
Childhood fades away as you grow even older, but you continually test your environment and are constantly hurting yourself. Every time you cry, you are rescued and given comfort.
Childhood’s end, young adult begins…
This magical place where you live does not have “NO” in it. So you continue on your journey. You keep being allowed to do things and no one stops you — it’s all you’ve ever known.
Then one day, you decide you want to go and work. You want money, more than your parents continue to hand out. So you get a job.
Within the first week of the job, the boss is mean. They tell you that you can’t leave early, that you can’t have a longer break, that you are not special.
You cry, but no one is there to comfort you. So you leave and go home, where the comfort is.
Your parents take control of the situation and contact you boss and tell them how terrible the job is for you and that special accommodations are required. The boss continues to be mean.
You go and find a better job, where you’ll be treated better… As you deserve…
Same thing happens, over and over… It starts to become clear that you are no longer in the magical place. You are somewhere else. You thought you were raised in the real world, but suddenly it becomes clear.
You are now in the real world. It does not bend for you. Your cries are still heard and you are coddled by the only people who give you the reality you were trained for.
The magical world must be destroyed…
In that facetious example we explored the ludicrous idea of a childhood filled with constant allowance. Where the parents would rather comfort post fact than curb bad behavior before hand.
Unfortunately, this is not a fluke. This is a feature. The children of parents who chose this route, on top of constant praise and reward, have unleashed the products of their creation onto the world and workplace.
Everyone has to deal with these adult children now. They were walked down the on-ramp of life and pushed into traffic, expecting to merge— instead of getting them up to speed, where they could come in safe and efficiently.
Now they are causing jams, anger and backups — and the world does not tolerate that for long. Unfortunately, it has been consistent and exponential.
Those rough childhood days when parents were thought to be “mean” were for our benefit. We as functioning adults understand it now. They were preparing us for what is real.
We aren’t supposed to be brought up to think we are special and/or entitled. We are to be given a steady diet real world samplings.
In the long run…
If we’re not careful, we’ll have a bunch of kids being allowed to grow up not adhering to any social constructs. We are humans, not animals. We follow certain standards and our world is based upon them.
If they do not conform to them, then what rules will they obey — those of man or the animal?
We should allow for kids to have and use their imagination — that’s all well and good. It’s when they start to demand a litter box for their use in schools that we might want to reign things in a bit.
It is defiantly time to say “NO”. If we don’t, we are going to deal with the consequences for a long time. We were always going to have to address problems caused by kids, the question is, would you rather deal with them as children or as adults?
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